PsychoSemantics
by Yellowfur
Summary: Light Yagami is sent to a unique mental institution. In a dire situation, Light makes sure he still has his good ol' powers of manipulation... and he's testing them on the other patients. -Rated for adult themes, MANY fandoms, see inside!-
1. 1

**Disclaimer: I own none of the cartoons used within.**

**This crossover maybe should be in a different section than Cartoon X-Overs... there sure are a lot of fandoms, and they're not all cartoons. Mainly the only fandoms you should worry about are Death Note, Calvin and Hobbes, Danny Phantom, One Piece, Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi, Avenue Q, Courage the Cowardly Dog, Fairly OddParents, Kim Possible, Ed Edd n' Eddy, Azumanga Daioh, Blues Brothers, and some others... various web cartoons... and a couple graphic novels, including Persepolis and the more obscure Ariel Schrag books, such as Definition and Potential.**

**Anyways, I hope you enjoy. Let's see... let me think of other obligatory comments to make sure that if you yell at me later it makes me justified and you ignorant. Heehaw, just kidding. Yeah-up. It's rated T for some swearing, rather graphic moments (more later), and other general adult themes. The tone of the story switches between lighter and darker, but I would say it generally keeps a dark overtone - the humor is more just to make sure that it doesn't later become an all-consuming black hole.**

**I mean no offense to those who have mental afflictions or know those that do. This isn't even really based on any real type of therapeutic setting. **

**Usual writer's drill... I accept any type of review... I especially love concrit. You can flame or complain if you want to.  
**

---

Chapter 1.

---

Light cautiously opened the door and looked inside before entering. Inside he saw two beds with wooden frames, pleasant yellow floral-pattern wallpaper, green carpet, two armoires, two desks, two night tables, a little boy with spiky yellow hair, and a stuffed tiger the boy was clutching.

"Hi," Light smiled at his roommate. "My name is Light. Light Yagami." He put his suitcase down and made his way over to shake hands. His roommate was considerably younger than him, but this was no reason not to be polite.

A slight hesitation before he met Light's hand. "I'm Calvin…" He held up the tiger. "And this is Hobbes."

Light nodded, playing along. "How do you do, Hobbes?"

"Shake his paw."

Light's smile faltered a bit. "Alright."

Calvin watched with great intensity as Light shook Hobbes' hand before he moved to start unpacking. Even though Light turned his back to him for the time being, he could feel the boy sizing him up. "So, Calvin, how long have you been here?"

"About a year."

"Hm. Do you like it here?"

"Not really."

"That's a pity. Why not?"

"Too stuffy. It's all well-decorated, I don't like that. Plus it feels forced." He paused to do some sort of fiddling that little kids do when they get upset. "And get this! No one treats Hobbes like a real tiger! I don't get it, don't they know that he could rip 'em to shreds if he weren't so polite?"

"Maybe they just want to seem like they have a handle on the situation. They don't want him to see they're scared." Light walked over to his dresser and began putting his clothes on hangers as he added up Calvin's situation. "Tigers can smell fear, can't they?" He was pondering how having an imaginary friend was grounds to send a kid to this type of place. Obviously they had barely met.

Calvin nodded, probably happy that someone finally got it. "So, why are you here?"

"Calvin!" A light feminine voice said from the doorway. The girl was a picture of perfect peppiness; white boots, yellow dress, flower in her hot pink hair. She had a rainbow-colored can of soda called Posmic. "You shouldn't ask someone that on their first day. I mean, you barely know him."

"Yeah, I mean, you are pretty intimidating, what, with that _tiger_ and all," The other girl's voice was more grating and sarcastic. She and the other girl stood in the same way, side by side, but this girl was a sharp contrast: bluish-purple hair, spiky jewelry, a blue skull shirt, combat boots. Her can of pop was day-glo yellow and read Lemon Squash American.

"Yumi…" The pink one elbowed her in the ribs.

"Ami…" She whined, imitating her.

"Hey, you'll see one day!" Calvin snapped. "You'll be sorry. Hobbes is just restraining his tiger instincts for my sake!" Yumi snickered. "One day he just won't be able to hold back and you'll be sorry."

"Didja hear that, new guy?" Yumi's cold blue eyes and thick black eyeliner locked on Light. "We'll be sorry!"

Ami ignored the bickering and walked over to link her arm in Light's. "Come on, we'll give you a tour!" She dragged him out the door and Yumi kicked it shut. The long hallway had mahogany wood paneling, lush red carpet, and watercolors lining it.

The two led him all the way down to where the hall began. "There are two hallways for bedrooms. This is the guys' hallway. Unfortunately for us, you're right next to the bathrooms. So unfair! Oh, sorry, what's your name? I'm Ami."

"I'm Light."

"Yumi," The other one waved her hand.

Light was going to ask another small talk question, but Ami squealed. "Yay! Tour time!" She swung his arm a bit. He couldn't help noticing how Yumi seemed more interested in her can's nutritional information than the tour and decided he liked Yumi better right now.

Ami plowed forth. "If you'll look directly to your left, that is room one. We call him Freaky Fred. Don't worry, he doesn't mind. We hear he's a barber, but he won't cut anyone's hair. He always walks around with hair-cutting stuff, though. He says he's naughty."

Yumi accented this with a little 'cuckoo' whistle. "Probably got here by going Sweeney Todd all over someone's butt, know what I mean?" Then she looked to her right. "Room two. Jake and Elwood _Bluuueeees_." She stretched out the last name so she could make a full eye roll while saying it. "They think they're cool 'cause they wear suits, the same suits every day I may add, and sunglasses at _night_ and cheap black hats. And they can play the blues, I guess, but they're all show, really. We heard they were in a regular old jail, then got sent here because they wouldn't stop being stupid-ass freaks, I guess. What douchebags. One's fat and the other talks like a weirdo."

Light expected Ami to defend them, since Yumi was being more than a little mean, but Ami just nodded in agreement and dragged Light forth. "Room three. Ark. He's best friends or lovers or something with this girl Kerrigan in the other hallway. I like Ark. He's nice and funny." She giggled. "And he's green."

Yumi sneered. "He's actually really stupid. Room four. Rod and Nicky. Best of buddies, since before they came. Don't know what they did to get here, they actually seem sorta sane. Nicky is actually really tolerable. Rod is just annoying."

"Stop being so mean!" Ami scolded. She turned to Light. "Really, Rod and Ark are great."

Yumi continued. "Room five. You and your roommate_s_.

"Six. We don't know their names, we just call them blue and pink. That's the color of their hair and kind of their skin tone. Beyond weird. They'll ask you to go on an adventure. Don't go on an adventure; the last person that did was in the infirmary for like, a year."

Ami again. "Seven. That's the Mayor. He thinks he's mayor of the household. Just play along, we don't what'll happen if we don't."

Yumi again. "Eight. He only answers to Salad Fingers. Just… I don't even know how to describe him. You'll see him soon enough. He likes rusty spoons."

"Let's go to the girls' hallway!" Ami dragged Light out. He was starting to get quite bothered by the dragging and squealing, but willed himself to remain in control of his emotions (if nothing else) for his first few days.

Yumi deposited her empty soda can on a table next to a bouquet of flowers. Ami was done with hers but preferred to keep it until they reached a proper place to deposit it.

"Just like your hallway, same stupid watercolor crapola…" Yumi said. "But it smells better, no sucky blues music, no freaky barbers, and no _tigers_. Our people are just as screwed up yours, don't get me wrong, but we're screwier in a cooler, more intense, bottled-up-ready-to-explode way."

Ami started it again. "Room nine. That's Kerri. She's sweet, she likes Ark a lot, and she's always eating muffins.

"Room ten. Sara has to wear this muzzle thing, like she's a dog or something! Isn't that sad? And she's still like, a kid, too!"

Yumi interrupted. "Room eleven. Ariel and Marjane. Marjane's Iranian or something. Ariel is always drawing something or other and recording what people are saying. Oh, and she's a gay youth."

"Not that there's anything wrong with that," Ami quickly added.

Yumi nodded to the side. "Room twelve. That's Osaka. She's an airhead.

"Room thirteen. Her name is Veronica, but insists we call her Trixie. Hmmm.

"Room fourteen. That's Nami. She refers to money as berries and random inanimate objects as tangerines. Be careful, she's klepto, and really clever – she'll have something of yours sold before you know it's gone. Rumor has it she has medical files and lots of dirt. So, yeah, again, be careful."

"Room fifteen. Her name is Lois Griffin, but some people actually call her Mom." Ami said. "But even if they don't call her that, most people seem to look at her that way. She's very maternal. People come to her often for advice and comfort and stuff. I know I do."

"And last but not least, room sixteen. Our room!" Yumi sang. She kicked open the door. Inside was a dizzying, juxtaposing assortment of punk and preppy décor.

"Is he allowed to be in here?" Ami asked.

"Who cares?" Yumi marched over to her bed, complete with a black skull motif comforter. A black cat was sleeping, but woke up and stretched for its owner.

"I didn't know you were allowed to have pets here," Light commented. But he wasn't into waiting for a response. "I'm going to go now."

Ami was cuddling a fluffy white cat in her arms but stopped suddenly. "Wait, don't you want a tour of the rest of the house?"

"I'll figure it out," He shut the door behind him.

Outside in the hallway was a girl with straight dark hair and a happy smile. "Hi. What are you doing in our hallway?"

"Just… looking around."

"It's lunchtime."

She indicate for him to do anything, but he followed her as she left the hallway and slowly turned into another. He assumed she was going to the kitchen.

She turned into the library.

"Wait, isn't it lunchtime? Where's the kitchen?"

His voice snapped her back. "Oh! Right! Ha!" She trudged out back into the hallway until she reached the kitchen.

The kitchen, with its gray stone countertops and mahogany wood cupboards.

The kitchen, with a heavily stocked refrigerator and pantry.

The kitchen, with who knows who milling about.

"I'm not really hungry."

She turned to look at him, her smile still present but less so. "Oh? No?"

"Maybe later," The last thing he wanted to deal with right now was a multitude of people crazier and stupider than he.

Light went back down his hallway, thankful that no one popped out of hiding while he was there alone, or alone as he can possibly be nowadays. He entered the room again.

Calvin almost bumped into his knee. "Where are you going? It's lunchtime. Aren't you hungry?"

"No. I'm going to stay and unpack."

"You know something weird? Sometimes, they let us make our own food! I mena, there's always food, but there's also stuff in the refrigerator. All the food they make is already cut up, because our knives are all really dull… the forks too. And besides, aren't we supposed to be crazy? Aren't they concerned we'll spike a housemate's food for invading our personal space bubble or being out to get them?" He paused in thought. "Anyway, I gotta go. Hobbes won't shut up about his precious tuna fish. I'll make you a sandwich if you let me look through your stuff."

Light felt a smile tug at the corner of his lips. He stayed and listened to Calvin's diatribe, somewhat impressed by Calvin's vocabulary as well as how sarcastic and negative beyond his years he was. He couldn't have been older than ten. "Well, tell you what, you make me a sandwich and I'll let you look through my dresser, okay? Make sure no one puts something in the sandwich."

Calvin walked off.

---

Light made sure not to put anything of great interest in the armoire for Calvin.

Calvin's sandwich for Light was molasses and marshmallow.

His own sandwich was caramel syrup.

Hobbes was (presumably) happiest with his tuna fish.

Calvin read comic books for two hours before falling asleep.

Light did not leave the room that night.

He didn't sleep well, either.

Ryuk showed up in his room, took an apple from Light's duffel, and left.


	2. 2

**Disclaimer: I own none of the cartoons used within. **

**Ch.2 **

Though Light had a minimal amount of sleep, he decided to convince himself that he was refreshed for it. It was time to face the crowd of his new dysfunctional family; he would have to learn to live with them and had already childishly avoided them the day before. He felt somewhat disgusted by this display of weakness and was sure it would not happen again.

He left Calvin sleeping with Hobbes and walked down the hall with a clean change of clothes. Checked his watch, 7:29 A.M.

The bathroom door was cracked open. A precious bathroom with everything honey-colored or wooden.

Light entered the teak-lined archway and turned into the kitchen. The coffeemaker was bubbling, its little light was on. He noticed a water cooler with an option for hot water. Light found a mug without trouble, then rooted around another cupboard for tea.

A girl with thick, dark hair and thick, dark features walked in. She smiled at Light. "Hi!" She opened the pantry, reached up and grabbed a packet of tea. Light did the same. She poured some already heated water for tea, only to take a sip and stop smiling. "This tastes like piss! Their tea is terrible." She tossed it in the sink "Cheap!" and walked away.

Light sighed and glared at his tea. _Piss tea. Lovely._

A guy with glasses, slicked back red hair, and overly stiff dress walked in next. He gave Light a nod of acknowledgment and got coffee, only to spit it back into the mug and give the piss tea a new friend in the garbage disposal.

Light blinked at the coffee, quickly running out of options.

Another redhead, a cute girl with a T-shirt and short skirt strolled in. She winked at Light and opened the fridge. "All the food here kind of _sucks_, doesn't it?" She flicked the door closed and walked out of the kitchen.

Light decided on tea. He left the bag in longer than the girl had and it was okay.

He began to sweeten it but something turns in his stomach when he reaches for another packet from the large box of sweetness. He left it as is and went from the kitchen into what he assumed is the dining room, judging by the furniture.

This room was not exactly loud and pulsing with activity. It was still too early. Light took a seat near the end of the table, thinking he's safe, until the orange-haired girl obstructed his view.

"Hey there! I'm Nami! You must beeee… the new guy!" She said it in an obviously condescending fashion.

He smiled. "My name is Light." Then he wiped his smile away, playing her game by making it obvious that he wasn't willing to be polite if she wasn't.

She looked around and stretched, feeling his coolness. "What did you do to get in here?"

"I don't really feel like talking about."

She huffed and peeled her tangerine.

Light reached for the newspaper. There was only half of it. He didn't much feel like talking to Nami.

Ami and Yumi emerged next. Ami dashed over to Light. "Hey! Light! It's almost time for morning exercises. Hi, Nami!"

Light looked up at her. "Yes, I was going to ask for a schedule or something of the sort…"

"I can get you a schedule," Nami blurted, then ate a piece of tangerine.

"There are about five hundred copies in the office, Nami," The stiff coffee guy says from across the table with the rest of the paper. "And you're not allowed in there."

"I'll see you outside," Nami waved to Ami, Yumi, and Light and departed.

"Let's just get it over with, I hate aerobics," Yumi grumbled.

"It's not that bad," Ami protested.

"I'm sure it's fine," Light got up and put the newspaper down.

His tea was gone.

---

The motley group stood at arm's length from each other in a small cemented area outside. Green, lush foliage sprawled on the walls.

"Okay! Come on people, wake up! Look a little bit alive!" The morning calisthenics instructor was a tanned, toned girl with long black hair (and one pink streak).

"Shut up," someone called out.

Light had briefly wondered if he wasn't dressed for the occasion, but when he arrived he realized that nobody was. He was even standing next to a portly guy in a _suit_, hat, and sunglasses.

The 'shut up' prompted the instructor to begin demanding to know who it was, and this is about respect and teamwork you guys, I won't respect you if you don't respect me. Light found the whole thing boring. The young woman was being particularly stupid. This seemed more like a boarding school of unruly teenagers than anything else.

It was boring until he felt the odd sensation of something crawling on his shoulder. He looked slowly to the side and saw three hairy, long, green fingers on his shoulder.

"Hello,"

Light smiled and didn't make eye contact. "Hello."

"Might I inquire about your…" Pause. "Spoooooooons?"

"I have no spoons. You might check the kitchen. Please remove your hand from my shoulder." Light was well aware of the suited guy with the black glasses next to him staring at the entire encounter.

The fingers were gone.

The woman gave her radio a precise tap with her foot and cliché aerobics music started up. "Come on! Work it! Feel that positive energy!"

There was just a group moan in response.

---

The plain-looking man, black hair and blue eyes, running group therapy sat at what was supposed to be the one point sticking out of the egg-shaped circle of chairs. He seemed like he could be handsome, more energetic, and generally a whole different person if you had caught him a couple years earlier. "Well, looking at our roster, it appears we have a new friend among us. Why don't we all give a warm welcome to Light Yagami."

Light gave brief smile at the shy chorus of "Hello, Light".

"I'm Danny Fenton. I'm kind of like the ringleader here, you know. Heh. You can call me Danny. So, Light, why don't you tell us a bit about yourself." The young man's tone didn't quite sound bored, just had an odd, monotonous way of not sounding like it was capable of questioning or exclaiming.

Light was fully aware of another guy next to him with a suit, sunglasses, and a hat, this time a taller, skinnier one, staring at him again. "I formerly attended To-Oh University as a freshman representative. I have a father, mother, and younger sister. A few years back I played tennis, but have since quit."

"He has a lot of apples in his bag," Calvin blurted, sitting across from Light, Hobbes in his own seat next to him.

"Calvin, let him speak," Danny said.

Light nodded. "I like apples."

"I like tangerines," Nami said, trying to be helpful.

"I like scented laundry detergent!" The dark-haired piss tea girl said.

Danny gave a slight chuckle. "There you go. Nami likes tangerines, Marji likes laundry detergent, and Light likes apples. We're getting acquainted already. So, who would like to speak first? Any volunteers, or should we just go around for this session?"

An extremely short man on Danny's right with a monocle and white moustache raised his hand. "Um, as the Mayor, I think I should try leading this session, maybe?"

Danny slouched in his seat, somewhat amused. "Go ahead. I need a break."

"Alright then! Let's start over! So! Any volunteers, or should we just go around?"

"I'll go!"

"Yes, Ms. Bellum?"

"It's Kerri, remember? That's okay. Anyway…" A short girl with red hair, yellow eyes, and blue-and-green-colored face and skin stood up. "I noticed there were no muffins today. This usually doesn't happen so early in the week. I mean, I don't make a lot of demands. But... I want a muffin in the morning! I didn't have breakfast! I'm starved! I would just like to know who took the muffins. There were at least five left."

Light felt a familiar sensation of someone staring at him. Not the guy next to him, either. He leaned forward, putting his elbows on his knees, now aware of Ryuk watching the session. _Go away_.

While Kerri kept talking about muffins, shooting little looks Nami's way (who pretended not to notice), the man with wild blonde hair and creepy green eyes on Light's other side spoke to him in a quiet tone. "My name is Fred, why hello there. I quite enjoy cutting animals' hair. I must admit, my presence here is fair, because I've been very… naaaauuuuughhtyyyy."

"Pleasure," Light crossed his arms and felt his fingertips getting cold with nervousness. Ryuk's presence, shinigami body hulking over, was really starting to get to him. He could feel him moving closer and hear the _shfff _of his movement. Light would look anywhere but behind himself.

Fred gave him a freakishly wide grin.

The suited guy from before leaned forward and said to Light, in a clipped, faintly Midwestern voice, "Do I intimidate you? You're shiftin' around an awful lot."

Light shot him a look. Though his seatmates here couldn't get much weirder, they were the last things making him antsy.

"AAAAGH!" Ark fell out of his seat.

Everyone's attention was on Ark.

"Wow, I'm sorry, it's just… wow. I didn't… does anyone else…?"

Light's breath caught when he realized Ark was looking at Ryuk.

Ryuk was gone.

"Oh! Never mind. I must be seeing things." Pause. "Again."

"My girlfriend would see things. She went crazy on acid once." A teenage girl with a black pixie cut, Converse shoes, and an extremely tense posture, face, and tone of voice spoke up.

Danny sighed. "Ariel. Might I inquire what, or who you're thinking abou-"

"_SALLY JULTS SHE LIKES GOATS!!_"

Light was still a little tense. His fingers felt odd, like they were antsy. "Um, excuse me, could I have… a pencil…" His sentence drifted off.

"I have a pen!" Nami produced a fancy Montblanc.

Stiff Coffee Guy leaned over to look at it. "You stole that."

"Can't a girl have a nice pen?"

"It says Tony Stark on it."

"I wonder if she's fucking somebody right now!!" Ariel blurted.

Danny sighed.

---

Lunch was easy. Light could do this. He dawdled a bit, deciding to wait until others had finished rushing to get their lunch. He walked in about ten minutes late, and Calvin greeted him.

"Where the heck have you been? Where would you possibly go? They lock the doors for most of the day, you know. I made you a sandwich. Now I get to search through your desk. Let's go sit down." Hobbes over shoulder, Calvin led him over to the table, where there were two empty seats. "These were Ami and Yumi's seat. They went off looking for you."

"Thanks, but why don't I just save that for later? I was going to make my own lunch."

"Whatever."

Light went into the kitchen and threw the sandwich into some tinfoil and into the fridge. He looked at the pantry for something simple, and realized he was alone except for two other… people.

One had faded pinkish hair, the other faded bluish.

"Hello, Light!" Blue said.

"Hello, Light!" Pink.

"Hello," Light didn't make eye contact.

"You want to go on an adventure?"

"Yeah, we're going on an adventure."

"No thank you."

"Oh come on, Light. It's going to be fuuuunnnn."

"It'll be a journeyyyy."

"No. Thanks. Really."

"We're going to punish the evil," Blue persisted.

Something sparked deep within Light. "What do you mean?"

"We're going to chastise them!" Blue explained.

"Chastiiiise," Pink backed him up.

"On a journeyyyy."

"…To candy mountain."

Light sighed and reached back for the sandwich. "I'll pass."

"LIGHT! Found you!" Ami and Yumi shouted.

They both grabbed his arms. Yumi said, "Oh, let's go eat lunch, OVER THERE." They quickly led him over to a brown couch and flopped him down on it between them. They sat across from Ark, who had cold cereal, and Kerri, who had a muffin.

"Those guys are freaks, Light, really. Don't talk to them. And we're saying that for your own well-being." Yumi said. "Seriously. Last guy to go with them lost a kidney."

"Hey, Light!" This was Kerri. "You should come to Ark's room later and we'll play video games."

"Alright," It was a good opportunity to ask Ark what he had seen.

"I don't think I really like cereal," Ark murmured.

---

Light stared at his easel in painting class.

Then Light stared at the cliché bowl of fruit he was to paint. He decided to look at the other people's paintings. Kerrigan was painting a side view of Ark, Ark was painting an infinite of himself painting himself painting himself… Ami was painting the same fruit in pastels, while Yumi was painting it in dark, moody colors. Salad Fingers was looking at the fruit, but painting a creepy picture in dark blue with a huge, vertical eye in the center that Light could swear was staring at him. Ariel had a very well-painted scene of two women having sex on a couch. Calvin had painted a violent scene of a tiger disemboweling what looked like a young woman (possibly a babysitter?), but he had gone to the bathroom and Nami had stolen it. Blue and Pink were making broad strokes on their canvas, but had no paint on their brushes. They were muttering eerie things to each other in their high, androgynous voices.

Two guys in suits stared at Light. The chubbier of them hadn't painted anything, while the thinner other one was painting a slice of toast.

"Would you two STOP THAT?"

They turned around.

---

"Do you know why you're here, Light?" Kim Possible, the therapist who gave individual sessions for those well enough to give her real answers, pounded off a list of obvious questions.

"I assume it's because my father said I want to reform the world to my liking and I think there's a shinigami following me."

"Your father wants to help you, do you know that?"

"What he says about me is crazy."

"Yes," Kim smiled sympathetically.

Light knitted his brow and the images of him writing her name down in his notebook multiple, multiple, multiple times shot through his head.

---

"No," Light said at the dinner table. "I will not tell you why I'm here."

"Aw, c'mon!" Nami pleaded. "I'll tell you why I'm here."

"It's pretty obvious why _you're_ here!" A little girl with a hideous leather muzzle around her head said, her speech muffled.

"Back at you," Nami snapped.

"So why won't you tell?" Kerri asked.

Light was starting to see a pattern of who was among the more talkative crowd. "Well, are you just willing to tell me why you're here?"

"Well, no. It's personal. But you're the new guy. We have to torment you."

"Oh! Here's an idea!" Ami said. "How about everyone who's willing to say why _they're_ here tells _you_, Light, and then _you_ tell _us_?"

Light shook his head. "_No_. It _is_ personal, that's the point."

"Girls, leave him alone," said Lois, whom Light had met earlier, in an oddly normal fashion. "If he doesn't wanna talk about it, don't make him. He'll tell you when he's ready."

"It's worth a shot, though," Yumi said to Ami.

Ami nodded. "But who's going to say it?"

Yumi shrugged. "I'm not." She looked around the table.

An awkward silence arose at the table when they realized no one was willing to say it.

"Come on, any volunteers or should we just go around for this session?" Yumi imitated Danny. There was a pause. Only Blue and Pink laughed, and for way too long.

"I think I'll say why I'm here today. I've been very-"

"Yes, Fred, naughty! We get it already!" Muzzle Girl shouted.

"I need a gin and tonic without the tonic," Lois said.

Osaka laughed. "Then it's just gin, silly!"

"Thank you Osaka, for that wonderful insight."

---

Kerri opened the door. "Hey, Light! Glad you decided to come. We have Super Smash Brothers Melee all set up for three."

"Thanks," Inside Ark's room was a TV, a Gamecube that Ark was seated in front of, a stereo, a couple video game posters, and a suit of armor. Light took a seat on the floor next to Ark and reached for a purple controller.

Light wasn't really interested at all in the game, but put a lot of effort into seeming so as Kerri explained to him how the game worked and they played about five rounds. Kerri won four. Light won the last.

"Aw man! Why am I not winning?!" Ark cried out.

"Because I'm Link and you're Jigglypuff. You know you can't play Jigglypuff!" Kerri answered. "Light, you're really getting a hang of Ganondorf there."

Light stared at the screen, trying to ignore the overwhelming presence that had been watching the game intently. "Do you have any other games?"

"Yeah! I'll get 'em out when I come back. I have to go to the bathroom. Be right back!" She scampered out, then came back for a minute. "Ark. Don't eat _anything_." And away she went.

"She thinks I'm just gonna eat the controller or something. This kind of thing has only happened a few times before."

"Ark, question."

"What?"

"Do you… see anything suspicious in here?"

Ark's head whipped around. "What? Like a bomb or something?! Or… no! Not the stolen muffins! You're accusing me!!"

"No! Like… a living thing… like-"

"Oh, that thing!" Ark pointed to Ryuk.

Ryuk looked at him, then to Light.

Light still refused to make eye contact with Ryuk. That would be admitting defeat, or something like it.

"Does he just follow you around? That's kinda creepy. So that's why you're here. I'd go crazy too, I guess. Good thing he's nice-looking."

"…Nice-looking?"

"What a pretty demon."

"Never mind, Ark."

Ryuk was gone.


	3. 3

**Ch.3**

Over the next few days, Light assimilated himself with the routine, though he still had no schedule. There had been multiple promises to get him one, but all of them fell through.

There was always some time in the morning for people to get breakfast, though many skipped this. Then the coach, June, would instruct morning calisthenics, which seemed to be widely disliked. Then there would be a group therapy session. Following this way-too-long discussion was lunch, and then a couple of recreational classes, often aimlessly painting stuff or attempting to play sports. Then an individual therapy session, which Light quickly realized wasn't much help. After that was a long free period for dinner and whatever one needed to do in the evening until lights out.

Calvin had attached himself to Light. He would consistently make offers of sandwiches for snooping. Light didn't actually mind (except for the snooping), since he was better than Ami and Yumi, who meant well but were invasive and annoying. Nami was both invasive and annoying, but would sometimes take something of his as well.

Ryuk popped by whenever he felt like it. He seemed to be waiting for Light to respond to him, which Light of course refused to do. Sometimes Ryuk even took a seat on the ground.

The rest of the housemates were, again, invasive and annoying, but Light told himself to keep in mind that some of them probably couldn't help it. However, they _could_ help one certain thing they persisted in every mealtime…

"Puh-leeeaaase?" begged Veronica, a blonde girl constantly wearing her cheerleader uniform. "I've decided, Light, that _I_ don't have a problem telling you why I'm in here. It's gossip! Everyone loves gossip!"

"Everyone loves gossip _and_ hates it," Light said. "It's personal. I couldn't care less why you're here."

"Well, geez! You don't have to be mean about it!" Veronica pouted. "I guess you're right, though. Besides, my parents are wrong anyway." She inspected her nails. "Identity crisis my ass."

Nami put her fork down next to her tangerine-pineapple fruit salad down. "You insist you're someone else whenever somebody calls you by your real name or if you're in distress."

Veronica stiffened. "I do not."

"Yes, you do."

"Do _naaawwwt!_"

"Yes, you keep-"

"I AM TRIXIE!!" This outburst prompted her to leave the room.

Osaka giggled. "That girl is hilarious! She should be on TV or somethin'."

"What a _freak_," Muzzle Girl, whom Light now knew to be Sara said, lifting the top of her muzzle so she could fit food in to it.

"We'll write you a song if you tell us why you're here," Yumi said to Light.

"We'll write you _two_ songs!" Ami added.

"I'll draw you in the nude," Ariel offered emotionlessly.

"I'll be right back," Light got up from the table, bringing his smoothie with him.

"Noooo!" A chorus called out to him.

Light left into the hallway, hearing people accusing each other of scaring him off. He thought he had escaped (ha!), only to realize he certainly wasn't alone in the hallway.

"Hi!"

"Hi… just… needed to get out of there."

Though Light didn't exactly like the idea of being stuck alone in an enclosed space with anyone in the household for an extended period of time, he figured if it had to be somebody, it might as well be Rod and Nicky. They seemed to also be on their way out of their room and into the kitchen, but stopped to stare at Light.

Rod, though he was neat-freakish, somewhat effeminate, complained of burnt coffee frequently, and dressed like an investment banker, had seemed to be one of the most reasonable people in the household. His roommate Nicky was the same way. Nicky seemed to Light extremely good-natured to the point of being bothersome, but he was one of the only people willing to talk to Blue and Pink and Salad Fingers.

"We know what you mean," Rod grinned.

Nicky mimicked him.

After another awkward moment, Nicky said, "To get them to stop asking, you can just make something up, you know."

---------

"Hey," Calvin sat with his stubby little legs dangling over the side of his bed. Hobbes sat identically next to him, his stuffed body slouching.

"Yes?" Light kept his eyes on his novel.

"Guess what's coming up within the next few days."

"I don't know. Do tell."

"…C'mon, guess."

Light sighed and put the book down. "Honestly, Calvin, I don't know. Are you washing Hobbes?"

"No... he's more hygienic than I am, you know."

"Is there a talent show, maybe?"

"That would result in bloodshed."

"So would most special events around here, I'm assuming. I don't know. What's going to happen?"

"It's Visitor's Thing."

"Oh, joy," Light turned back to his book. The idea of his father coming to visit was far from thrilling. _Why yes, I have been hallucinating. Multiple times a day. More since I got here, in fact. And yes, your name is the one I write down the most._

"My mom is coming."

"How nice."

"Nah, she's kinda bossy. She'll tell me to bathe more and comb my hair once in a while."

"Yikes."

"You have no idea."

…

"Hobbes likes her, though."

"Hobbes is very accepting, isn't he?"

"Hobbes is a pushover."


	4. 7

**Ch.4**

The next day, Marji was gone.

"Do you think she broke out somehow?" Nami asked.

"Oh! Maybe she committed suicide and they took her body out this morning! They wouldn't want us to see that kind of thing, I bet. They'd say it's harmful to our mental health." Calvin said.

"So is making us sit here and ponder the disappearance of a housemate," Light said. "You'd think they would at least feed us some excuse."

"You mean… they're having trouble thinking one up?" Ami said. "That much to cover up! Eek!"

The dining room table was buzzing with theories. There were plates of food all around, most of them untouched.

"Hey, Ariel, you were her roommate. Did you hear anything?" Light tried.

"Nope. Didn't see any nighttime visitors. Didn't hear anything go bump in the night. She must have gotten out herself – if they came and took her it would have made a hell of a lot of noise."

Light realized it was the first non-sex-related thing he had heard her say. So it sounded a little weird, ironically.

The Blues Brothers sat down next to Light, one with a stack of frozen waffles and the other with plain white toast.

Yumi put her juice down and glared at them. "Do you guys know where Marji is? Jake, maybe you ate her by mistake."

He glared at her over his waffles. "Meow!"

Her scowl deepened. "Shut up. Maybe you dragged her off into the night and buried the body."

"You're even more of a bitch than usual today. What's your problem?"

"I think we're all a little bit tense today because we don't know what's going on," Lois said. "Accusing each other won't-"

"If anyone dragged her off to _do things_, it was Ariel," Nami said.

"Speak for yourself," Elwood Blues said, finishing his white toast. "Maybe you have her holed up in… wherever it is you put the endless crap you snatch."

"Seriously," Ariel agreed with a bothered expression. She leaned over to Elwood. "If you want, I can draw you a picture of something satisfying later…"

"Oh, just keep eating your tangerine," Nami said (neither Ariel nor Elwood were eating tangerines).

"I bet it was Blue and Pink or Salad Fingers," Veronica said, filing her nails. "They are theeee creepiest things ever. Maybe they killed her and ate her guts." Salad Fingers was right there next to her, playing with finger puppets. He didn't seem to be listening.

"Yeah, maybe there's something to that. Saying Marji was murdered, I mean." Calvin said.

Light looked over at Nicky, happily eating cereal. He noticed Light's look and dropped his spoon. "Wha-… hey! Don't give me that look! We didn't do it!!"

Freaky Fred decided to speak up. "It seems we're all quite on edge here, due to Marji's disappearance – which _is_ rather queer. And I can't help but think, 'when one disappears, another must've been… nnnaaauuuuggghhhtttyyy'." He took a bite of his French toast, then pushed the plate away. "We really _mmmuuussst_ lobby the counselors for better food."  
"You creep the hell outta me!" Veronica said.

"Would you like to finish this?" He offered her the toast.

"Ewww, no!"

"Can I throw that toast?" Calvin asked. Fred grinned and nodded… slowly. Calvin grabbed the toast and threw it in Veronica's face.

---

Morning calisthenics were cancelled that morning, supposedly due to the weather. But it was only gray skies threatening to pour.

The house members only cared to chat a short while longer about depressing matters such as the disappearance of one of them. Those with enough presence of mind (probably only Light) had either come to some logical conclusion or decided to keep any further suspicions private. The exciting bi-monthly event that was Visitor's Thing was quickly approaching.

Light had gathered by now through a few different means that many household members had before asked the elusive staff of the house why they couldn't get visitors more often or why it was so hard for them to be allowed to communicate with friends and family, along with why everybody was only allowed a single visitor. The faculty said that they needed to approach recovery and normality at their own pace, without the well-intentioned but potentially damaging interference of their loved ones. So it was one visitor every two months, and they needed special permission to use the phones, special permission that they had to earn.

Light had asked Nami about it. She shrugged. "I don't know. I don't have any visitors anyway." And she left him, speaking no more of it.

He had asked Ami and Yumi about it. "We're not sure either," Ami said, her pretty little features contorting in confusion. "We're told that to do that kind of thing, we have to reach the next level of recovery or something. But they won't tell us how to get there, or what level we're on specifically."

Yumi's face could not contort, since she was usually scowling anyway. "They say it's for our own good."

---

A little room had been set aside for Visitor's Thing. It was like a small living room, with couches, armchairs, a coffee table, decorations, and a bookcase. A tray had been set out with various hot and cold drinks. No alcohol.

Ariel's visitor was first. Sally had come early in the morning, a skinny girl with a spiky boyish haircut and an eyebrow piercing. She looked over the drinks. "No alcohol. _How_ are you holding up?"

Her joke did nothing to un-tense the stiff teenager on the couch.

Sally sat down next to her. "So how are you… here?"

"Can we go into the bathroom now?!"

Sally sighed.

---

Calvin's mother came next. She hugged him and called him sweetie, asked how his housemates were, she hadn't seen her boy in two whole months, look how tall he was getting, his father missed him, Susie had asked about him frequently, how is his new roommate, he really should comb his hair more.

"You haven't asked about Hobbes," Calvin put his puny hands on his puny hips. Hobbes had not been allowed to join him.

His mother hesitated, unsure of how to treat this situation. "How is Hobbes?"

"He _doesn't _miss you."

---

Ark and Kerrigan were allowed to have their two visitors in at the same time. Sal and Senya were as usual happy to see them. Senya hugged them (Sal wasn't much of the type).

"Kerri! This place is huge! I'm so jealous!" Senya gushed, her British lilt riding on her words. "Of course, you do have to share it with so many other people."

"I can't imagine, though. Surely you get some real weirdos in here." Sal's accent was the same as Senya's. It was really cool.

"Kinda. We got a new guy. He's not weird. And he's good at Melee." Kerri said. Then her smile faded and she leaned over to Senya, whispering, "You got the goods?"

Senya checked to make sure no one was coming in soon and Sal opened his backpack. They handed her a Nintendo Wii. Kerri and Ark cheered quietly, jumping up and down.

---

"Yayyyy, it's Charliiieeee!" Blue said to his and Pink's white-haired friend, Pink following him closely.

"I don't know why I'm here! No one's making me come here. Friggin' long way down…"

"You missed us, Charlie,"

"Charlie wanted to see us," Pink said. "He misses us!"

"_No I don't!!_"

"Chaaaarrrrllie, have you been adventuring without us?"

"No, as a matter of fact, _I haven't_. I've caught up on several TV shows, and my health insurance has gone way down, both because you two are right here where you belong."

"Do you want to go skyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyydiving, Charlie?"

"You know, I'm… I'm not even going to dignify that with a response."

"C'mon, Chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar…."

---

Trixie filed her nails and looked around as she took a tentative seat on the armchair. "This is place is so Xavier's mansion…" She murmured to herself.

"What?" Veronica said.

"What? I didn't say anything. So do I have to come back in another two months or will you please stop pretending you're me?"

Veronica itched for her wig, the one just like Trixie's long black hair. "But… I'm the original… you're… not…"

"See you in two months."

---

"Kaz, get us the hell out of here. You said it would be two months. We've told you what they do!!" Yumi shouted at her and Ami's manager, the unbelievably short, balding miser they called Kaz.

"Well, I would take you out, since publicity has been milked for all it's worth until you leave here, but I can't!" He gave a guilty smile.

"Why not?!" Yumi continued to do all the talking. Ami looked angry too, but she usually wasn't the yelling type.

"They tell me this is bad. Reverse progress or something. So I continue to pay for you living here with crazy people."

"Why oh why did you have to send us _here_?"

"Shit happens! I promise you, I thought this was one of those sham rehab clinics where famous people can leave whenever they please!"

---

Ms. Bellum had done a good deed by coming to visit the Mayor. The leggy woman didn't mind that it was usually just a weird little session of him treating her like a secretary. It wasn't like had become mean in his senility, so she just played along and even brought his old hotline phone.

He sat shuffling papers and books at the coffee table. "Ms. Bellum, could you bring me some tea?"

"Right away, sir,"

"With two sugars and creams!"

"Yes, Mayor."

"Can you ring up the girls? The Gangrene Gang held up a supermarket!"

"…Right away, sir."

---

Peter Griffin, Lois's husband, always came, mainly to complain about what was happening in their household. It was no wonder that she was the one who checked herself in.

"Peter, do you want some coffee?"

"Honestly, Lois, I wish you'd come back! The laundry is so bad that we actually have to acknowledge Meg! Oh, and Brian sends this." He didn't know what was in the cardboard box.

"Come to mama!" Lois embraced the box, which only she and Brian knew was packed to the brim with vodka.

---

"I'm so happy to see my baby sister!!" Ed embraced Sara.

She shoved him off. "ED! I told you no hugs! You know what happened last time…" She shook her fist at him, not aware of how unthreatening the muzzle made her look.

"Oh no! Yeah! No! Yeah, no hugs. But I dunno…" He lifted up his shirt to give his marred skin an admiring look. "These scars are really cool!"

---

"I have to admit, Misa, I'm glad it's you," Light invited his blonde, dark-dressing friend so he wouldn't have to deal with family members, even though he didn't like her. This made him actually appreciate the fact that he couldn't use the phone, so he wouldn't have to explain why.

"Misa Misa was sooo happy to come!" Misa fixed them tea. "I couldn't let my Light-kun suffer here all alone with… I don't even know who!" She put the tea down and came over to hug him. "I miss you, Light-kun!! Misa Misa gets so bored…"

He listened to her ramble for the rest of the visit. He decided that if the conversation was being monitored, whoever was listening in might just become the next patient.

---


	5. 11

**Ch.5**

"I trust everyone had a nice time yesterday," Danny said, in that same strange semi-monotonous tone.

Nami shrugged. "It's not fun if no one comes to see you.

Nicky nodded. "We know how you feel. We didn't get any visitors either."

Rod fixed the sleeve on his button-down. "Fancy that," he muttered.

"We'll go around, starting at my left. Calvin. How's your week so far."

"Funny, I was going to ask you the same thing…" Calvin narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

"Okay…"

"You staff people sucked out her brains, didn't you?!"

Danny finally showed sufficient emotion. "What?! Oh no. Calvin, please don't do this."

"Yayyyyy, braaaaaiiiins!" Pink said.

"You trapped her in one of those bizarre _boxes_ and she probably died or something and you're hiding the body! No, _you killed her and you're hiding the body!_"

"Shut up, that does _not_ sound familiar," Another quiet comment from Rod, his attention still mostly on his defiant wrinkled sleeve.

"_Calvin_." Danny's tone was warning.

"If you send me there again I'll freak out and I'll find a phone and call my mom! She has to believe me!!"

"Calvin?"

"WHAT?"

"STOP. See me after this. Alone."

An awkward silence fell over the group as Calvin crossed his arms and glared at Danny.

Finally, Salad Fingers spoke up. "I found a lovely lightbulb yesterday and spent a lot of time clicking it on and off."

---

Light had his best poker face on. Immediately, he picked up that this horrible Kim woman who did individual therapy for people of his "level" was not going to actually help. She was just there to do her job, and let Light do a lot of the talking, slowly guiding him through discussions to make him think he had just realized something significant – though she wasn't actually helping. He enjoyed fucking with her right back. "I mean, I can't help but wonder if you guys are… you know, hiding something."

"Light, if we don't tell you guys something, rest assured it's because knowing it would be more harmful than helpful. We're looking out for your best interest."

Light didn't speak.

"I have this feeling, Light, that you don't believe me when I say that. Is this true?"

Light kept ignoring her. He kept his eyes fixed on Ryuk, who had entered a few seconds ago. He, of course, did not use the door. In fact, Light didn't know from which direction he entered, just that Ryuk had entered into his line of vision just then and the ornately creepy-looking monster was keeping eye contact.

"Light? What are you looking at?"

He was tempted to quickly look away, but he knew that would be too obvious. "I'm not particularly fixed on anything." Light turned his glare to Kim. She was giving him that _I-know-you're-lying_ look. So Light quickly changed the subject. "I want to ask some questions about my housemates."

"This session should be about you, Light."

He totally disregarded her comment. "It seems that certain members are more capable of getting by in real life, or rather, are more in touch with reality than others. Is it healthy to be lumping all the... people together like that?"

Kim almost laughed. She flipped her orange ponytail back. "I assure you that everyone is here for a reason."

Something in LIght was offended by her tone. "You use word 'assure' quite a lot."

"I just want you to trust me, Light.... I think our session today is over."

Light shrugged and said goodbye, fully aware that there were about fifteen minutes left in the appointment.


	6. 4

Light awoke the next morning with a start. Calvin was perched on the side of his bed, staring into Light's eyes, only a few centimeters away from him.

"Calvin! … How interesting to see you up this early."

"I'm always up this early."

"I apologize; I was just looking desperately for something to say in regards to your invading my personal space at…"

"7:39 AM. It's time for breakfast."

Light nodded. Calvin just stared at him. Light nodded once more, trying to indicate Calvin to leave his bed.

Calvin ignored the signal. "I know where Marji went."

"Do you now?"

"A lab."

"A lab?"

"That's why we're really here!" Calvin jumped off of Light's bed. "They're really not trying to fix us here. That part's just for money. For a cover! And then when we don't get better after a while, they send us away and say it's just so we can get 'further care' or something because their 'system' here isn't working for us! But when you get sent away, you really go to a place where they use you for human testing!"

Light had taken most of Calvin's monologue to change his clothes. "What's your evidence?"

"I've talked to people who have been here longer than me. They say that people have mysteriously disappeared before. Aaaaaannnnnd…" He paused for dramatic effect. He truly milked this pause for all it was worth, staring into Light's eyes and making a few random hand gestures. "They say that it's happened before where people have shown up again after being taken away… and they're all sick and stuff! And they say they're okay. And then they leave again. And they don't come back!" Getting only a blank look from Light, Calvin made a sweeping motion with his pale little hands. "The end!"

"You know, Calvin, a lot of your housemates are not always to be believed. I'm not saying you or I are crazy, but there are many others here who are… unwell."

"YEAH, I know, but-"

"Are you worried that you're going to get taken away?"

"Well, duh! If they take you away, they're gonna poke you with needles until your liver fails and you throw up blood and your brain hemorrhages!"

"That's great imagery before breakfast, Calvin."

"Psh, I had breakfast an hour ago!"

"How long have you been awake?"

Calvin scowled. "How long have YOU been ASLEEP?"

"Calvin, you might be on to something. Now that I think about it, there is some very suspicious behavior going on here. Would it make you feel any better if I talked to everybody here and… you know… tried to figure out who they're going to take away next?" _The things I'll say for a slightly less frantic roommate._

"It wouldn't make me feel any better, no, but I think it would be good for security!"

Light nodded. "I promise I'll get right on it after breakfast."

"You should start DURING breakfast! It's a great time to interact with people!"

"Noted," Light left the room.

When he stepped into the hallway, Ami girlishly gasped and Yumi stumbled and almost spilled her black coffee. Ami looked him up and down. "You've been asleep so long, someone made up a rumor that you died!"

Before Light could say anything, Ariel approached Light from behind. "Were you masturbating?"

Light was going to explain the situation, but sighed and just said, "No. I was not."

Yumi huffed, "Then there's no excuse!"

"Elwood and Jake always sleep in."

"No one gives a SHIT about them!" She almost spilled her coffee again.

"I do," Ariel stated, having not blinked once.

"Why?" Ami asked.

"I fucked them."

"I'm getting breakfast," Light tried once again to leave.

"I'll follow," Ariel stated, following.

"_Great_."

(-)

"Have you ever fucked anyone?"

"That's my business. Not yours."

"I think that means you're a virgin."

"Ariel! My beloved housemate! 'Beloved' in a perfectly stoic fashion!" Light turned to face her. "I'm beginning to see truly why you're here. I am not entirely sure that it's something you can help. However-"

"Oh, I can help it," Her standard blank face suddenly morphed. She looked utterly insulted. "Pfft. Of course. I just really want to fuck most of the time. So I'm hormonal. It's not really what made me crazy. I just kind of wanted to get out of my house and away from the whole high school scene. Only I didn't really know how to just leave."

"… So you're faking insanity?"

"Oh no, I'm really a sex-crazed freak. I'm just perhaps not as insane as… some others here, AH, this is awkward, you know something?"

"Yes?"

"I just… did that because I'm bad at like… wording and stuff. I couldn't really talk my way out of stuff. But you seem like you can. How did you end up here?"

"I was sent to a therapist, and I didn't quite make the grade. So this was the next step, apparently."

"Oh, fuck! I hope you 'make the grade' here!"

"So do I," Back to getting breakfast. He didn't really want to talk about that.

"Because if not, they'll send you to the labs."

"What's this I hear about labs?" Light asked Rod at the table. Light had tea and Rod had coffee. When he first sat down, Light had noticed a condescending look the uptight man gave his tea.

"Labs? I don't hear much about labs. I hope they don't start having us do some sort of baking-soda-and-vinegar projects. How childish!"

"No, the sort of labs where you apparently get sent away to if you don't make any progress."

"OH, those labs. The nonexistent kind!" He stirred his coffee, smiling for the first time that Light had ever seen – in a fake manner, of course.

"Why are there people who are so… upset about it?"

"Upon closer inspection, Light, you should see very quickly that the only people who worry are the only ones who have reason to worry. The only people here who get all frantic and in a tizzy are the ones who haven't figured out how to work the system yet."

"And you know how? You and Nicky?"

"Of course. Well, for the record, I learned how, and then I taught Nicky."

"Of course."

Rod straightened his tie and checked his watch. "Oh, we have to go. I hate late people. For the record…" He leaned down close to Light, akin to a teenage girl telling him a secret about crushes. "There's no such thing as labs. It's just because once we had this one kid leave 'mysteriously', and then he came back and looked a little worse for wear, and then left. Leave it to crazy people to fill in the blanks however they like!"

(-)

Light was minimally engaged by the creative writing activity. They were supposed to be expressing their thoughts and feelings through fiction, or some slogan like that. Light just enjoyed putting words together that sound pretty and symbolic. He would then hand it to a worker (in this case, a pretty girl named Sakura), and when she inevitably asked him how he felt about his writing, Light would say that he felt depressed before but now that he found another helpful outlet, he felt hopeful.

Rod was obviously right about this being more about fooling the system than anything else.

"Fuck! Shit! Goddammit!"

"Something wrong, Jake?" Light addressed his suited, pudgy housemate.

"I am not a writer! I'm a musician for chrissakes! A performer! I'm not into this pansy-ass writing shit!" Indeed, Jake's paper was quite wrinkled, as if he had repeatedly tried to crumple it, then unfold it and try writing again. There was only one sentence scrawled on the top: _There once was a guy who really just wanted a beer._

"Then don't write."

"No way, man! Someone's been going around bringing up the subject of those places you go when you fail here!"

"Like labs?"

"YEAH! Someone's been talking about it again, and now we're all talking about it! Except for my brother Elwood here, who doesn't talk much."

Elwood looked over at Light and nodded. "Yeahhh-up." He then went back to writing. His paper was almost completely filled, but it was mostly just a List of Things That Elwood Blues Doesn't Like.

"Maybe whoever's been talking about it just wants to know some more information."

"There's nothing to... know!" Jake seemed just confused about the whole thing, but this didn't stop him from talking about it (or getting angry about it). "Shit happens! Sketchy shit. Like people disappear. There was that one kid... what was his name, Elwood?"

"Flapjack."

"Flapjack! This blonde kid was here for a while. This was back when we were new here. And there was some bratty kid who was always NUTS and running around and he was totally obsessed with his 'candy', but believe me, that ain't candy he had... anyway, far as I knew, he had been there for a long time. So a little while after we came... how long were we here..."

"'Bout three weeks," Elwood answered.

"-And the kid just disappeared! Weird shit! No one knew why. And the reasons people were stating were total bullshit, of course. Then the kid appears again. He looks like crap. Real sick. Sad thing to happen to a kid. And then he disappears again. Wonder if the same weird crap is gonna happen to Marji."

Elwood was scratching new words into his list. Among them were "labs", "boxes", "needles", "drugs".


End file.
